Abraham's Difficult Test

Last Wednesday night as we read Noah and Paige their Bible story we read about Abraham's difficult test (when he had to sacrifice Isaac, but God provided a ram instead). This was an interesting one to explain to Noah without scaring him silly...but we managed. Hopefully not too scarred. lol

Then, Friday night I had the craziest dream....it felt more like a nightmare. I had a dream that I was outside and had built an altar out of stone and Noah was tied to it. I was about to sacrifice him as the Lord had told me in the dream. It was as if I were Abraham! In my dream I was wailing, moaning and Noah was tied to the altar and was screaming, "no mommy, don't hurt me....why?" Just screaming. Even now as I write this I shudder...it felt so real...so terrible.....absolutely awful! Just as you see in pictures in old Bibles with Abraham's arms lifted high with a sword/spear (whatever they used) to sacrifice Isaac, I too was doing the same thing.....except my face was filled with sorrow and rage and terror all at the same time. It was a nightmare to me. I jerked awake shaking in the middle of the night and so relieved to know that I never had to do that, but also felt a bit morbid for dreaming such a thing. Thankfully, after calming down and praising God that I never had to do that, I fell asleep.

The next morning as I was getting ready for my day, I remembered my nightmare. I began to pray and ask God if there was a reason why I had this dream. Maybe there was something he wanted to teach me? There have been many times that God has awakened me in the middle of the night because he had something to say to me, but never with such a vivid and horrific dream. Well, remember how in the previous paragraph I said I was relieved that I never had to sacrifice my son? God spoke to me on Friday morning and gave me a couple of reminders.

1. My children are not my own. They are HIS. They have been entrusted to me for such a short time, but they are HIS. This reminder alone makes me realize what a special privilege I have been given and makes me want to treat and teach my children so much more carefully. What an honor to lead them to the Father. Oh, I want to be so faithful to my Savior!

2. I need to sacrifice my children. Not physically sacrifice them as what was happening in my nightmare. Not to do what Abraham had to do! Side note: let me tell ya, this dream made this story so much more real to me! It made me be able to imagine even better what Isaac was feeling and thinking. How Abraham felt. What were those servants thinking? And Sarah? I too would have built an altar right there and fell on my face in worship to the Creator and Provider! But, I am to sacrifice my children spiritually. I have to continually remind myself to hand them back over to God.

Moving to Romania has brought along some internal challenges and taking my children to a place I know pretty much nothing about is scary and hard for me at times. The fact that we are moving twice, once next week and then again in Jan. makes me a little nervous. I want them to feel secure, stable, safe. But, I also have to know that God is first in my life and in Steve's. So, if we are being obedient to Him, I can't help but believe that God has Noah and Paige all taken care of. Not so say that we don't have responsibilities to take care of them and teach them, etc. But I know that He is going to guard them and protect them, though that may not always happen the way a parent thinks it should. I know Noah and Paige are in His hands.

3. I felt a tiny pinch of how the Father felt as He sacrificed His own Son. I am by no means saying that I understand that. But, my dream felt so real and it hurt my heart so bad. Emotions were so high and there was sorrow, rage, terror, anger, confusion, sadness and so much more. How could He have done such a thing for a wretch like me? Lord, Thank you for your ultimate sacrifice of Your Son!

Today, remember that your children are a gift from the Lord, to be cherished! Remember that they are not your own, but belong to the Lord.