our heaviest loss thus far

Exactly seven days ago I excitedly typed up a little post and tried to slyly reveal that we were expecting our third baby.

Now seven days later I write to you regretting that I ever wrote that last post.  Because three days later I went into very premature labor....water breaking, contractions....followed by more blood than I have ever seen in my entire life.

The Lord saw it best to take our sweet Scout home.  He does all things for our good, but this didn't feel good.

This doesn't feel good.

As I type my stomach is in knots and my eyes are filled with tears.  We had already began dreaming and imagining our life with this little one.  We couldn't have been more excited and neither could our children.

But, on Friday night as Steve and I sat in the emergency room looking at what remained of our baby on an ultrasound picture and wondering how we explain this to Noah and Paige.  I couldn't help but say that this is a great opportunity to teach our children that God is constant and He is always good. Always.
Even when it doesn't feel good or look good or makes us angry and sad.  That's okay. But He is still good. He will never change.

God has reminded me that I am not in control of one ounce of my life.

"For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things and in Him all things hold together."  ~Colossians 1:16-17

God has also reminded me that this child was never really mine. God allowed me to carry this baby and care for it as best as I could for three short months, but that little life was always His.

And Heaven is all our little Scout will ever know!

So, if you are hurting and feeling hollow...remember that all we have are God's promises & truths found in His holy Word and that is all we really need--He is more than enough!

it's been a while...

Hey stranger!

I haven't been on here in a looonnnnggggg time! I just saw that my last blog post was about two months ago, almost to the day.  A lot has changed for us in the last couple of months.

Noah started kindergarten at a home school co-op that is a University Model and I got a new very part time job as a teacher at his school.  Paige is in pre-school there in my class.  And there is a three month old human growing in my belly causing me to, at times feel sick, but mostly just tired.  I have slept a lot the last couple of months.  I am starting to feel a little more "normal" and think I will begin blogging again, at least for a few more months. I kinda miss it.

I'll write more soon. :)